From Fallow to Flow
Welcome to my first Substack offering!
Like many of us, the first year or two of Covid was rough for me. I got very sick in March 2020, and, while not hospitalized, dealt with what my doctor now sees as likely, but not obvious, long Covid symptoms. Mostly, my muscles just weren’t moving right. No one was talking about that at the time, so I just thought I was falling apart. In the Before Time, I was pretty active- working with a local climate justice organization; offering workshops and events for folks trying to navigate the emotional and spiritual weight of the climate crisis; making art. That all came to a halt for the reasons stated above, along with our enforced collective isolation. My mother died later that year, thankfully at a time when I could be with her.
I tried mightily to honor the fallow state, as I called it. Even wrote a poem in its honor.
Fallow
To lay fallow
is perhaps to be silent
but not still
this rest time is meant
to feed the resurgence of life
that wants to become
more wholly itself
beneath the soils and grasses
there is much to behold
the mycelia, following the
open paths of worms,
gently reach and weave together
to share the stories of
the undisturbed layers of life
the drama of the armies of ants
now free to build their empires of dust
is unnoticed in the quiet
the voles repopulate fearlessly
and lavishly devour the roots
of their favorite plants
their growing boldness
noticed only by the local owls
This rest time is not still.
it is a flurry of the underworld
unfettered
If we allowed ourselves a fallow time
even in these times
what glorious sparks
and webs
and songs of creation
might find their way to the surface?
what tender roots might meet
with the net of existence?
what boldness emerge from the silence?
what affirmation of our simply being?
Finally, after much healing, physically and emotionally, as well as reconnecting with my community of activists and friends, I feel ready for Flow. Words, images, dreams are returning. New metaphors for the work I’m called to. New models for understanding the moment, and for responding to it.
Hence, this newsletter.
My intention is to make weekly offerings, some written, some visual art, some a combination, to explore with you the confluence of creativity, beauty, grief, courage, uncertainty, and justice-making. Plus whatever else emerges in the process. Thank you for all you do and are in the world, and for offering your own wisdom into the collective wisdom that is so necessary in this moment.
Thank you for the invite! I am going to enjoy this adventure. Resonated with the poem! It certainly has been a long journey of isolation, pain, patience and acceptance in a very short period. ❤️
Love this poem, Barbara! I’ve experienced a bit of this flow after fallowness as well, though I didn’t have Covid - just inertia! and trying to figure out how to be in this new iteration of life. For me, writing songs again after many years has been so invigorating and flow-ey! I might even be ready to step back into gathering with people! Happy you’re here on Substack. I like this forum a lot!